Back row: Holt, Lamb P, Allister, Purcell, Banks, Jelen;
Front Row: Schofield K, Willis, Dickson (Second Team captain), Jago (Second Team vice-captain), Andrews
Saturday, February 16, 2002
Bobby Mimms reports
So, once again Convocation Seconds fail to deliver whilst on the road. This should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with the team, as so far this season the seconds have failed to get anything from any of the away fixtures, sometimes being trounced by cricket-like score-lines. However, playing in the principality seems to bring out a masochistic streak in the team – one where, for long periods the team play half decent football, but still get turned over. The inability to turn performance and possession into points is a worrying trend that coach Dickson must address soon if any satisfaction is to be gained in what is left of the season, from a squad that promises so much, yet far too often, fails to deliver.
Another cause for sleepless nights, is the team’s increasing disciplinary problems; perhaps Paul could seek advise from his close friend Mr. Wenger.
The afternoon started well; Denbigh laying on the red carpet treatment for the visitors, with a welcoming committee led by the three times Denbigh Quiz League champion. His name may have escaped everyone, although his eloquent use of the English language certainly had the team in awe. Unfortunately, that was as good as it got. The home side’s gamesmanship manifested itself almost immediately. First a change of pitch and dressing room, then the inevitable complaints about the age of the team, compounded by a ridiculous wait of over twenty minutes between getting changed and kicking off. Once the game was under way, the unsavoury pre-match tactics of the home side didn’t seem to have had any adverse effect on Convocation. For fifteen minutes the visitors played competently with no signs of the impending debacle. Jago and Allister were the proverbial rock in defence, Willis and Holt constantly harassed the Denbigh back four, and the midfield seemed to be over-running their counterparts.
Then it all went pear-shaped. A poor clearance by the defence fell to an enthusiastic Denbigh striker, who calmly slotted past the advancing Purcell. 1-0. All of a sudden, the game started to acquire a familiar “away day blues” feeling. Minutes later, a tackle from the right back, that can only be described as “career-threatening”, took out Phil Holt, who had been impressive from the off. His game was over and guest player - Fairclough, promptly replaced him. Peter Lamb was sent to partner Willis up front, and proved what a versatile player he is, by being just as ineffective as he had been in midfield.
Rather unwittingly, coach Dickson then spared us all what would have been a moment to fondly recall in our latter years. By not picking Messrs Driver, O’Brien, Wheller and Rand, he undoubtedly denied the spectators the twenty-two man brawl that would have ensued when Banksy became involved in a spot of friendly banter with the Denbigh right winger. In fairness to Brian, he was only retaliating after being provoked, but such behaviour cannot be tolerated. The red cards received by both players from the referee (we were lucky to have him as he had only recently been freed from the restraints of leading the Khmer Rouge) were just what they deserved and the fine and suspension must serve as a warning to other players who think they can take the law into their own hands. Two more quick goals (the third straight from the kick off after the second) resulted in a 3-0 deficit at half time.
Five minutes into the second half however, the fight back was on. A through ball from Lamb found Schofield, whose semi-volley dipped just at the right time and crept in just under the bar. Suddenly Denbigh looked vulnerable. An audacious shot from the half way line by Jelen was somehow tipped over the bar, denying Joel what would certainly have been goal of the season.
This slapped Denbigh awake, and they promptly went down the other end of the pitch and scored. A fifth soon followed despite a fine save from Purcell, before an excellent through ball by the Convo keeper put Andy Willis through on goal. Having missed several opportunities earlier on, this was his moment to redeem himself, and he took his chance with aplomb, giving the keeper no chance. Given last week’s performance, maybe the fight back was on, but Dickson decided this was not to be, by gifting the portly Denbigh attacker a one-on-one with Purcell, which he didn’t waste.
The game finished 6-2, a flattering score-line for a decidedly average looking Denbigh side, with Convocation playing the better football. But, you make your own luck, and the Seconds haven’t even got it out of the bubble wrap yet.
Thoughts now turn to the Port Sunlight drubbing next week and the Northern Cup tie in Chester in a fortnight – surely Convocation’s last chance to get something out of this season. For the sake of the supporters who pay good money week-in, week-out, find the solution Mr. Dickson!
Man Of The Match: Several good performances at the weekend, with encouragement for Peter Lamb (unnerved by the step up in class) and Paul Dickson (unnerved by playing well last week). Kevin Schofield went missing at times (no criticism intended) and Stevie Andrews can wander aimlessly with the best of them. There can be no complaints with Jelen and Fairclough in midfield, and Allister had a storming game, especially with having to adapt his role due to the boy Banks taking an early shower, but this week’s man of the match award has gone to Tim Jago. He had a faultless game and as usual gave 100% for the entire ninety minutes.
Convocation: Purcell; Banks, Allister, Jago, Dickson; Schofield K, Lamb P, Jelen, Andrews; Willis, Holt, Sub: Fairclough
There was more than one headline available in the after match report following Convocation X11’s visit to Denbigh in North Wales last weekend.
The resulting choice shaded events involving Paul Dickson (who else) who, not realising that Herman Munster with a Pop Idol Gareth-like slur was right behind him, mimicked the attentive groundsman.
Turning a whiter shade of pale after glancing over his shoulder, his team mates roared with laughter, after they realised that Dickson’s mockery had gone unnoticed by the six foot five inch outhouse– and all this in the car park before the game.
Earlier during the initial journey, Jelen left Jack Stopforth feeling as proud as punch after completing a fine piece of networking by handing his business card whilst travelling in a car at 60mph to a policeman called Peter Lamb (PC Lamb No. 452) also travelling in a car being driven parallel to the Omega owned by Steven Andrews.
This was after Andrews had inadvertently caused Holt to bring traffic to a standstill, the former having to deal with his business of the day – namely, a visit to his favourite Garston betting shop.
Back to Wales, and after a short journey by car following a change of pitch that had luxury stamped all over it, we arrived at a ‘yellow’ sports centre.
The match kicked off with an obvious edge to it after the same opposition had previously complained weeks earlier about the youthfulness of the Convocation X11 that day.
True to club captain form, Dickson called up Kev Schofield and Peter Lamb which appeared to rile Denbigh and this certainly showed in their tackling and verbal onslaught throughout.
After 10 minutes (as opposed to 10 rounds), Banks with his black tassled boots and ‘Boom Boom’ trademark scrawled in stylish stencil across his shorts, came face to face (or should that be toe to toe) with his opponent.
With both fighters protecting unbeaten records, onlookers were expecting a hard fought contest.
At the weigh-in, Banks was looking sharp and hungry (perhaps having heard that he would get to eat Jelen’s share of the pork sausages back at the local after the game).
However, the contest lasted only seconds after Banks slipped on the mud-like canvas during the opening shots. In fact, the contest was over so quickly that the girls indicating the start of each round had barely left the pitch.
Due to the farcical nature of the scrap that ensued, the ref told me afterwards that he had no alternative but to disqualify both fighters and pack them off to their respective dressing rooms owing to the poor value shown to both sets of fans.
Back to the football, and whilst both sides were now playing with 10 men, Convocation seemed to take the loss of their player more to heart. Unfortunately for the Liverpool gentleman, the only factor growing in stature then onwards was the pitch as Convo became increasingly stretched across the park.
After the game, Phil Holt having experienced a cartoon-sized swelling on his ankle, left it to PC No. 452 to drive him home.
The others travelled to the nearest pub after a vote that saw Dickson single-handedly overwhelm the majority and declare “let’s stay local” rather than return immediately to the bright lights of Coopers in Liverpool City Centre.
On arrival, Keith went straight to the jukebox and based upon his choice of songs, still had the events of a memorable fortnight on his mind (amongst his choice included ‘Only 4 chips from Hollathans’ sung to the tune of ‘24 hours from Tulsa’).
Then Dicko stepped in to pay homage to Boom Boom by requesting Simply the Best. This soon had Banks back on his feet, strutting around the pub like a peacock as if he was in the ring again.
After a few beers and several bewildering moments staring at the collection of plates on the walls, Convo left Wales and returned to civilisation across the border.
If the Convo X11 wanted to be philosophical about the day, they at least might reflect on the all round improvement of their dress code of the past few weeks.
Dickson led his side well with Reservoir Dogs sharpness and did the English proud, admittedly in the face of weak Welsh opposition, particularly the middle-aged chap in the pub who donned a pair of blue braces over his red Wales RFU shirt – which was nice.
